Yesterday I woke up and just knew it was going to be one of those days. You know one of "those" days? I hadn't even rolled out of bed and already I could feel that toxic mixture of being overwhelmed and underwhelming at the same time.
This is actually a fairly rare emotion for me to experience so when it blesses me with its presence I am always a little taken aback. I am generally pretty upbeat and contagious with positive energy but there was a general feeling that this wasn't that time, this wasn't that place, and this was not going to pass anytime soon.
What caused this feeling? To sum it up I would say life. If you want details, OK. My girlfriend and i got into a fight the day before over something stupid and I couldn't seem to shake it. (Probably because I was wrong.) I was in a weekly NFL survivor pool and had outlasted 5000 people, advancing to week ten, only to miss my window to make my upcoming pick and thus I was disqualified. Trying to make arrangements to fly my son down for Christmas vacation had not gone very smoothly with his mother, to say the least. Top that off with the typical disappointment that comes with feeling like I should be doing more and you have the recipe for a crabby asshole and a shitty day.
It's strange when you know you are being an ass (as I shot the cat a dirty look) but cant turn it off. I can actually remove my self from the situation and see myself acting like a jerk. Oddly, it feels like a spell has been cast over me and even though i know it is there i cant seem shake it (as I peer in the fridge and realize lots of healthy and expensive food is going bad).
I'm not sure the scientific term for the way I was feeling. Negative. Crabby. Grumpy. Pissy (glancing at the stack of dirty dishes piling up in the sink and wondering why the hell do the garbage trucks have to be so loud outside?) Yeah, I think "pissy" would sum up my behavior when I get in one of those moods and its no fun for anyone to be around, least of all myself.
So what did I do to snap out of the funk? Here are the five steps I took that worked for me and I think will work for you too. There may be more and you may need only one or two, but this was a particularly nasty bad mood and I knew it would take a massive action plan to exorcise this bitch.
First off, acknowledge the fact you are not in a productive state. "A and H" I like to call it. "A"wareness and "H"onesty. You have to be aware you're in a crappy state and there is no use lying to yourself. Its your bad mood, own it. And while your at it, if you want to be able to fix it, you better not blame it on anyone else. Why? because now you are depending on outside sources of your pain to be part of the solution, and often times that is unrealistic. If you own it and accept responsibility you can be the one to fix it. Make's sense doesn't it? Even if someone wronged you, hurt you, provoked you or screwed you over it doesn't matter. Your mood is a direct reflection of the meaning you attached to the "wrong doing" and only you can change what the meaning is. You certainly can not change others behaviors, so change the meaning you attach to it. That is empowering.
Now that you know you are in a pissy mood, you're aware the day can avalanche down from here, right? I bring this up because now you can get some leverage to actually deal with it instead of just plopping down on the couch, firing up the Xbox and escaping your reality. (Yes that ran through my head many times because my brain likes to throw out the "Ahh screw it" answer a lot and distraction is a great way.) So I resisted the sirens song of watching TV or goofing off. I allowed myself to be curious about my mood. Thats a healthy thing. I don't mean beating your self up and being hyper critical. Give yourself a break but use your internal dialogue to ask "what does this really mean?"
Second step was get moving. Move now. Right now. Start doing stuff. Objects in motion tend to stay in motion. Well the converse applies. Plop down and wallow in your sorrows and chances are you will feel even shittier and it will last longer. I started with something easy; turning on the computer. Threw open the blinds. Move in dynamic fashion. Motion creates emotion. Its hard to feel helpless and depressed when your moving around with your chest out, head held high and a sense of purpose. Focus on some easy but nagging tasks you can knock out.
I cleaned out the crap in the fridge. Stopped to apologize and pet the cat. Created a quick marinade for the chicken that needed to be cooked. Threw in a load of laundry. You know what I had now? Momentum. And I had made a decision not to distract myself, and not to play the victim. Know what was missing next?
What we needed to inject was the third step; Music. Play some music. Music that you love. Your favorite artist. (No depressing I lost my dog/car/girlfriend country music or sad whiney british rock) Something that takes you back to a happy time, a favorite summer or just makes you bob your head. Crank it up! Music is so powerful to change your state and that is what we are doing now. Louder. Now sing along! Why not? I cant sing at all. Seriously, its actually illegal for me to karaoke in 16 states an four countries. But so what. would you rather be a crabby asshole or Debbie Downer" Doesn't it feel good when you sing? In church, in the back seat of the car cruising with your friends, or even in the shower. Just sing. Still don't believe me? Ok then whistle. You can whistle can't you? Have you ever heard of the angry whistler? Me neither. Hum. Hum Rattle and Roll.
Music tames the savage beast; even the one inside you. At this point I really could feel some momentum. Answered a few emails I had been avoiding. Made a couple calls I had blown off. Ordered something online I really needed. Organized my work area and found some stuff i had misplaced months ago.
Now I was damn sure not feeling like working out when I rolled out of bed dragging my boorish behavior with me but I knew the thing I didn't want to do was probably exactly what i needed. I took the baby steps to just put on my sweats and do some light stretching. Again keep moving. I also knew since I was wearing my workout clothes i might as well go for a jog.
The fourth step is exercise vigorously. And before i went on my run...I meditated and stretched focusing on what I was grateful for. Abraham Lincoln said, "Appreciative people are generally happy people." I concur.
Its almost impossible to be depressed unless your focusing on yourself and what you don't have. Why not flip the script and focus on what you DO have. Keep it general. But really feel the attitude of gratitude. Focus equals feelings and this is a great way to snap out of your funk.
Focus on how you can turn a negating into a positive. Focus on how badly the person that wronged you is probably hurting inside. Focus on how maybe you are giving to much credibility to the disempowering emotions that were running rampant throughout your head. Focus on who does love you. Concentrate on the fact you can see, your heart works, you have clean drinking water and a roof over your head. Focus on great accomplishments you have achieved. Even pretty good ones. Focus on what is right, because what's wrong is always going to be available. (Ever watch the news or read the paper?)
After my run, I felt a lot better. I had reminded my self my problems weren't so bad. I actually am doing pretty damn good. I got my run in. I jammed to my favorite tunes. I really thanked my higher power for the blessings I have. I also started focusing on writing this article so maybe I could help others who were having a bad day or were stuck in a funk. Funny how you start concentrating your energy on helping others and your problems seem so much smaller. I actually called a buddy who is going through a divorce, and had a nice chat with him intending to cheer him up and I did, but you know what? He ended up cheering me up too.
Funny the more you give, the more you receive. When you want to feel love, give love.
Now in this state as I treated myself to a smoothie made with all my favorite stuff I noticed I was thinking so much more clearly. I mean it was like a fog had been lifted. I realized the fight with my girlfriend yesterday was not so much about what she did, but how I reacted. (Time to get some flowers and a heart felt card.)
I had a renewed sense of purpose and vigor. The shower after my workout seemed to cleanse my body both outside and in.
The bad mood only lasted a few hours, but i could feel this one could be a doozey. I mean, when I give the cat a "What're YOU looking at fuzz nuts?" to start my day, thats not a good sign.
Now I know that those feeling can come back at any time. And I feel that all emotions serve us if we use them in a curious fashion and don't wallow in them. But it felt so good to know i was going to piss my day away and ignore my phone ringing and my responsibilities and instead I manned up and snapped out of it.
I almost forgot, I also sent out a couple cards in the mail to loved ones I probably don't say "I love you and I appreciate you" enough to. Unbeknownst to me, I was planting the seeds to receive some loving calls in a few days from surprised yet appreciative people. Again, shift the focus away from your self and maybe focus on someone who would love a surprise in the mail. I am sure an email would work too, but there is something about getting an old fashioned handwritten note or card in the mail. Try it.
So to summarize, first you ned to be aware that you are in a foul mood and it could go downhill from here. You might snap at someone or say something hurtful so recognize that and get leverage to do something about it. A and H.
Secondly, MOVE! Get moving in a dynamic fashion. Unplug the TV, knock a few easy items off your to do list and get moving. heck drop down and do some pushups. Put on your workout clothes even if you aren't sure you are gonna work out. (Wink, wink.) Motion creates motion and even little accomplishments feel good, and they fuel even bigger ones.
Next it's time for tunes dude! Play your favorite artists who inspire or motivate you. And go ahead and sing. Its proven physiologically to make you feel good. Whistle, hum, play the bongos on your Tupperware. Kind of hard to be angry when your bobbing your head.
Nothing this side of the Mexican border releases endorphins and clears your head like exercise. Since you already have your workout gear on, go ahead and hit the gym or the running trail or that yoga class. You will feel like a brand new man or woman and your confidence will soar. As an added bonus workout to music you like. Double bonus points there for those scoring at home.
Finally its virtually impossible to be depressed when you are grateful. Focus your energy on all the blessings you have and even more importantly, reach out to someone and give them some love. Give yourself permission to feel good. This is huge. Sometimes we really subconsciously want to feel like crap to punish ourselves. Stop that, and instead focus on allowing your self to be grateful and to feel good. Help others who may be feeling lonely or having a bad day. Its amazing how your problems will seem so much more insignificant afterwords. Have an "I love me" moment. Remember times in the past you achieved greatness. Go look yourself in the mirror and say those magic words.
There are lots of ways to snap out of a funk. I just wanted to share some that worked for me while this was all fresh in my mind. As my day turned around, ironically so did my luck. The chips started falling my way and it was no coincidence.
Hopefully this article will help at least one person out there. Let me know your thoughts and if you have any others to add. I just may need them some time in the near future if I should happen to wake up in a lousy mood and kick the cat.
Heres to your success!
Charles
